I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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