Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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