Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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