I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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