dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
