Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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