No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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