so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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