I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
