couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
