Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
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Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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