She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
