just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just pee around me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
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