if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
