gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
