how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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