Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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