Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
