she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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