Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
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