I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
