Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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