Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Randomize
