Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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