We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
