Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
