You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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