I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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