Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
