Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Shame - the story of my life.
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