she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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