If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
