Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
