The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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