i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
