how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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