watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
