can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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