I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
