I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Drake has all the answers
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
