dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
