Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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