brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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