So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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