Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
