Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
