rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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