then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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