new low.... made out with someone while peeing
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
