I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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