The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
