on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
