I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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