I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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