So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
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