How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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