i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
