I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
