I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
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I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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