he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
