I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
