You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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