Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
