We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
