i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
