Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
