he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
