oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
